11 replies to this topic

[lakeside]

I would have to say I have never in my life come across so many f#$& wits when trying to sell a Torana.

[purrlx]

must be a story here

[LJ RB30]

The suspense is killing me!

My money is on him being educated on Torana’s by multiple highly qualified experts cose their mums Aunty’s hairdressers butchers brother had one!

Waiting patiently 👍

[fx48_eh64]

Its funny what people think makes them an Expert, 

I worked on High Pressure cleaners for a while, not your piss ant bunnings ones that ya can spit harder than, but full on industral stuff, up to 10000 PSI  Im talking cut concrete type powerful.

Yet its amazing how many people thought that cos they washed cars for 10 years that made them an expert on them. and they would tell you how they thought you should do things.

Lucky im a patient man or there be numerous people with a high pressure wand stuck down there throat and the trigger pulled.

[Balfizar]

Now now, are you trying to say an interest in cars is not always related to intelligence quota' or

Toranas attract  those purchasers who are cognitively challenged?  

 

My experience and perception from years of observations and participation in the ownership of 30+ year old cars is that you often need your head read,

when it comes to the price you pay for parts and the hours you spend in the garage - not to mention frustration levels attained.

 

Just think of the head start these f#$& wits have when it comes to ownership of 30+ year old cars.

If you start off as a dipstick you already have attained the pinnacle of where you will end up.

 

I often refer to the following when it comes to anything related to motoring enthusiasm:- 

 

MURPHY'S AUTOMOTIVE LAWS (restorers edition)

 

1. If it can fall there will generally be an eye underneath to catch it.

2. The amount of stuff leftover after a re-install is directly proportional to the amount of trouble you are in.

3. The spanner you have just spent 10 minutes getting into position to undo a bolt is the wrong size.

4. Stainless steel washers that you bought cheap cannot be picked up by a magnetic probe.

5. No matter how many extensions and knuckles you have its not enough.

6. If the dropped nut or washer cannot be found on the floor of the garage add 1/2 hr to the job.

7. 80% of all dropped items do not fall through, the 20% of items that fall through roll away to a hidden location.

8. When that spring or circlip lets go, start looking for it on the  furtherest away side of the garage first and work your way back its faster to find it.

9. Insignificant noise will become attention grabbing after any unrelated mechanical work is completed.

10. M21 gear selectors are equivalent to a rubics cube for auto mechanics.

11. That 2 person 2 minute job will take multiple attempts and 1/2 hr on your own.

12. That 2 minute 2 person job will take 45 minutes to explain if the assistant is female.

13. The capacity of that  oil tray is 1 litre less than the capacity of the sump you are draining.

14. Engine oil sump capacity is infinite without a sump plug.

15. The oil tray never seems to be in the right spot when you first undo the sump plug.

16. Skin cells do not regenerate if exposed to temperatures above 96 degrees C.

17. If there are sharp bits in there where you will put your hand, you will find them.

18. Beer ( Bourbon) is an essential item in any garage first aid cabinet.
* relieves hyper tension
* can be used to flush eyes
* can be used to flush blood to expose abrasions.
* can be used for pain management
* can be used for anger management
pre- medication is often advisable. A bit like immunisation against the inevitable.

19. Profanity is tension relieving.

20. When you finally get that bit out, throwing it to the $***house is also tension relieving. (Note:- recommend not throwing it too far)

21. Going to retrieve the bit you still need off the bit you threw to the $***house is therapeutic.

22. Finding the bit you need damaged on the bit you threw to the $***house re-establishes tension.

23. The ability to quickly focus (male members only) on and commence auto mechanical necessities often outweighs the need to change out of good clothes.

24. The transition from formal or smart casual attire to garage apparel is often accompanied by female angst.

25. Always cost twice as much as you thought! And then you have the wrong part

26. When you finally realise you need to purchase that part to finish the job off, it's 5:01 pm Saturday (shops closed)

27. The bit that you need is not where you last left it .

28. As you tighten that nut the last little bit, you think "Hope I don't strip the thread" just as you strip the thread!

29. The more expensive or rare a part is, the more chance of it breaking or being damaged.

 

30. Hi-tension lead leakage can generally be found using exposed skin.

 

31. Spare part delivery drivers use a different time zone than everyone else, because they are always "5 minutes away" and it always takes them at least an hour.

 

32. Customers "mates' know exactly what is wrong and how much a job should cost, but don't seem to have the time to do it for them.

 

 33. It doesn’t matter that a car can have fuel pressure and no spark. If the NRMA man say's it's the fuel pump, than it must be that.

 

34. When chasing a part you can never find it but when you are no longer looking, there are  millions of them.

 

36. Bolt on parts never do.

 

37. You have a 50/50 chance of putting it on the right way the first time, But 90% of the time you get it wrong!

 

38. when restoring a car, it will always take twice as long and cost 3 times more than you first intended!!!

 

39. When you buy items(such as grommets)they come in packs of 5,when you need 6!

 

40. When you need 1, they come in packs of 20.

 

41. No part ordered that doesn’t fit is incorrect, it just superseded the old part number.

 

42. (corollary to no. 20) If you throw the tool in frustration instead of the bit, you will immediately need that same tool for the next bolt/screw.

43. The week after you sell that part you bought 15 years ago and never used, you will need it - and it will be NLA.

 

44. Sure mate,  that will fit,  they are all the same across that model range.

 

45. Replica parts, they replicate twice the price and / or  less than 1/4 the quality of an original part.

 

46. Mate I’m after some (wiper Blade Arms) for a VH 1982 Commodore   

            What model is it?

    

      It’s a VH 1982 Commodore sedan which is code VH8VK 39L

 

           Ok, VL,  I got VL parts , what part number did you say it was, VH8VK 39L

           Wagon or sedan? L6 or V8?

 

47. Not everything that went on a vehicle on the production line made it into the spare parts books.

 

48. Ezy - outs are never easy on that sheared bolt.

 

49. The bigger and more convoluted the explanation the more you are going to be conned.

 

50. The customer always pays.

 

51. Automotive design engineers are sadists. You have to dismantle half the engine to change a spark plug.

 

52. Clearance what!!!! Clearance.

 

53. When the owners manual says they recommend that a service technician change the head light globe, you are reassured that you own a late model car.

 

54: work done is inversely proportional to mess made / damage caused.

 

55: O'Toole's comment on Murphy’s law: Murphy was an optimist.

 

56a: the part you threw out / gave away / sold cheap last week after sitting idle for 5 years is required a month after your garage tidy up.

 

56b: the market price of the part you now require but threw out / sold / gave away is now 5x more expensive than at the time of disposal.

 

57.  A dropped tool will always fall where it causes the most damage.  This is also called the 'Law of Selective Gravity'.

 

58. Cleverly dropping another socket in the same position you just lost one to track it trajectory carefully this time and find the other socket results in two lost sockets.

Perhaps if I drop another one??? and another one???

 

59.  After careful research I have taken the drastic step of banning beer in the garage. Research has uncovered the presence of oestrogen (female hormone) in alarming quantities in common beer. Not being one to take things on face value ALLTRQ and I had a session recently and after 16 beers each we were both talking $hit and could not drive, conclusive proof of the presence of female hormone. We now only allow Bourbon in the garage during project work on the VH.

 

60. Do not discuss your research into rule no 59 with females. Ouch, damn that woman hits hard, that’s going to leave a mark.

 

61. The problem you have with the car is never there when you take your car to the mechanic to fix, But returns on the way home.

 

62.  When you finally get the ratchet in position (on you back under the car), one finger on the socket and 2 fingers on the handle and start to turn, the ratchet is set the wrong way.

 

63. The next day delivery (for a part to arrive) really means next month!

 

64. Do not position your face under the rear end of a VL auto transmission when removing the tail shaft.  Note to Self:- If anyone asks can you see through ATF "yes but everything is RED. And it tastes like $hit.

 

65. If you drop a nut or bolt on the grass it will sink into oblivion and never be seen again. Until the next time you have to mow the lawn.

 

66.Washing the car is the rain dance and it will rain the next day.

 

67. If you park near a tree for shade, you always get a big bird **** on it.

 

68. the part you need is NLA

 

69. saying profanities repeatedly doesn't stop the blood flow

 

70. searching  persistence is directly proportional to the replacement value of lost part.

 

71. the part that you threw out thinking "yeah i'll just buy another one" is NLA and the second-hand one you get will be worse condition than the one you threw out

 

72. By the time you jack the back of the car up, put it on stands an crawl out and go  the front of the car, it is too low to get the jack under!!!!

 

73. That no. 8 cylinder extractor bolt, the one under the brake booster, behind the clutch cable and master cylinder brake lines.  Yep that’s the one that will come loose and need tightening.

 

74. That ebay part you swooped on with the buy it now button, the one that was way under priced and rare arrives and is perfect.  As you take it out to the garage very pleased with yourself to put in your spare parts storage system,  as you open the draw you find 2 NOS items already there with invoices that were cheaper.

 

75.  That stubby 1/2” spanner you bought for a particularly difficult access job when used requires the strength of hulk Hogan to shift.

 

76. The length of automotive bolts is inversely proportional to their access and the available throw of the spanned (e.g. that 1 ½” long bolt that you can only get a 2 teeth swing on with a 72 teeth ratchet spanner)

[Indy Orange]

Hahahahaha ,love it ,so true

[RallyRed]

Hahahahaha ,love it ,so true

100%, someone has a camera in my shed!...lol

[Rainman]

Ah, that explains why my mechanic takes so long and charges so much. I called him crazy last time I seen him. He had a magnet on the front of him ride on lawn mower while cutting in reverse and laughing at me while he opens boxes of black and gold band aids. That clever Bas%$rd really knows his stuff.

[Shiney005]

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[limo]

I forgot the question

please explain